we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
