Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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