JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
