If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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