This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
