Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
