Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
