Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
