This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
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I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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