there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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