trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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