there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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