how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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