Whats the glycemic index on semen?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
