im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
