i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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