i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
