The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
