Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
