im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
