I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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