I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
