my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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