Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
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Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
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It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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