I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
