Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
