I seem to have left my pride at pride
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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