Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
