What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
