Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
