I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
