Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
