So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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