This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
