You're so nebulous sometimes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
