Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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