Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
