So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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