Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
