I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
