i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
