I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
