Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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