Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
