If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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