wanna go halves on a baby?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
