I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
