no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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