They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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