If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So much rum. So many feels.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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