just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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