and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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