Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
