Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
