the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
