did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
