Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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