I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
