i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
sarcasm needs its own font
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
