Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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