I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
