Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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