So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She bit a glass in half.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
