i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
