I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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