What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
