why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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