Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
