I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
