her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
